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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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And then, the power goes out. Just like that! The whole place goes dark. I’m standing there, holding a shaker, like, “What now?” People start freaking out. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a blackout!” But you know how it is. Everyone’s panicking. I grab my phone, turn on the flashlight, and start making drinks by phone light. It’s like a scene from a horror movie, but with cocktails.

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